|
|
Monday, September 28th, 2009
| |
10:57 pm - Perspective.
|
There's a lot going on. Lots of tests, lots of living - first time living away from home. Reality smacked me around a bit in the last few days, but there were other things that padded the edges (like the fact that I'm flippin' here, doing this, in the first place).
I felt kinda...squished and overwhelmed and anxious, and even though I've been through worse, I couldn't remember how best to deal. So then I had a flash of genius, and I came here. (And here, in my head, has always been a little bit of an extension of Callahan's.)
I took some time to read my friends' page before posting, and I'm glad I did. There's nothing like listening to your friends to give you perspective.
It's not the concrete things that had me overwhelmed (for example, the two tests tomorrow that cover a ridiculous amt of material that I still don't know) - but what they represent: the hard work and scary risks to get here, the responsibility entailed, the financial burden on myself and my family, etc etc etc. Which is also known as life. :)
So, was having a just a little bit of trouble dealing with life. And part of it has to do w/ the fact that I'm still having a little trouble dealing w/ death. And of course it didn't help (but it did, in a way) to watch Dr. G perform an autopsy marathon on a bunch of ppl yesterday. Probably part of why I had trouble falling asleep last night. (Well, that plus a coffee-induced study frenzy).
And performing well here is Very Important, but it's not worth life and death, and there's overwhelmed and then there's OVERWHELMED; and to gauge where I'm at on the spectrum, I'm at the barest beginning of the former, and I've been close enough to see the shadow of the latter, and acknowledging that difference makes me feel better.
So I'ma try to take good care of me now, so I can do better at everything later. Y'all have a good night :)
current mood:  grateful
|
|
(4 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Monday, April 6th, 2009
| |
8:18 pm - Stuff.
|
You know how sometimes a group of people can get together, for just a short while, and somehow it becomes something more?
Like, for a seasonal/summer job. Or a group of strangers making music together on a summer night. Or...well, Callahan's.
Yeah.
I miss my training class. We've been split up now that we're out of training, and...well, they rocked. Some of the other classes were very still and quiet. Mine wasn't - there were a lot of strong, diverse personalities and we didn't always get along, but it was like we were a whole different animal as a group.
It was pretty cool.
P.S. I enjoyed Fast and Furious 4
P.P.S. I really love the No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency show.
That is all.
current mood:  thoughtful
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Saturday, March 28th, 2009
| |
11:21 pm - Still here, only not.
|
I'm working at a new job; still learning how to do it. I'm taking phone calls and I've discovered that I enjoy being thanked profusely by complete strangers after I've fixed/gave them a way to fix a problem.
The people I work with are VERY interesting. As awesome as most of my co-workers are, however, I really don't want to be there forever.
I applied to three graduate schools for a speech-language pathology master's degree; I didn't get into one, and am anxiously waiting to hear from the other two.
I made a few friends, I think; but I didn't realize just how guarded I am with other people until I made one that was kind of intimate. I let people see me, I think, but I don't let anyone in, and it's not all that comfortable, but it is kind of cool. Even just to know that I can.
My mom is okay; between the last time I updated and now, we discovered she had endometrial adenocarcinoma (cancer). She had already been through menopause, so when she began bleeding, she knew something was wrong and went to see the doctor immediately (as should anyone else out there who has the same thing happen - knowing your own body, and therefore being able to tell when something is wrong, saves lives.) We spent Christmas in the hospital with her while she recovered from a hysterectomy/bladder surgery. New Year brought good news - it hadn't spread to the lymph nodes, and was, in fact, the less aggressive kind rather than the kind they previously thought, so no chemo/radiation anything is necessary at this time.
We're all ridiculously grateful.
There were many people praying and thinking about her - including many of you - and I just want to say thank you. I can't tell you how much we appreciated your kind thoughts and comments during that time.
---
So...to recap (ha): There are a lot of things in my life that are up in the air right now, and I'm just watching how they're falling. In the meantime, I'm trusting that I'm exactly where the universe wants me to be.
(Which, at the moment, happens to be in bed. So...g'night y'all. :)
current mood: thoughtful
|
|
(10 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Monday, November 17th, 2008
| |
6:03 pm - The front fell off.
|
|
| Wednesday, May 21st, 2008
| |
3:07 pm
|
I'm sure there are better ways to spend a sunny, breezy afternoon than rocking a baby to sleep on a shady front porch.
I just can't really think of any.
current mood: thankful
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
| |
4:48 pm - Take me to the water (summertime, summertime).
|
My brother is completely random. So he runs into the room and goes, "Quick! What was the name of Slater's lizard?"
(Blank look.) "Artie? Why?"
"No reason. It's just sad that you know that." Then he saunters out, amused.
---
I know I said I'd relax.
But we're about to get swamped at work. And you know those jokes about government paperwork? They're not kidding.
"...It is STRONGLY recommended that you contact the FAO listed to obtain confirmation as to which DoDAAC should be used. DCAA DoDAACs begin with HAA, and some offices make use of DoDAAC Extensions. DCAA has established WAWF Points of Contact at each Audit Office to provide assistance."
Yeah. You have no idea.
The good (unrelated) news is that I spent some time educating myself about investing (like, mutual funds, IRA's, CD's, TIPS, general stock market stuff, etc.)
I feel so much smarter. Seriously. Like, I'm about to finish college with a degree in the sciences, but it's now that I feel smart, and I think it's because I like knowing the options. Before, you could say, "Interest ra-" and I'd already have tuned you out, bored. But what's really fun is annoying my family with finance-talk ;)
current mood:  amused
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
| |
4:39 pm - Big Stuff.
|
So I mentioned that BossLady had a baby. He's a week old (plus almost 9 months) and the most adorable thing. She brought him in today to get some work done, and I got to hold him for an hour while he slept.
I need a new arm, but it was worth it. It's funny the things adults think about when they're holding bitty babies. Like, "He's still breathing, right? *check*" and "Why is this damned chair squeaking all of a sudden?" and "I wonder what order of magnitude cuter my hypothetical-future-baby will be?" and, of course, the ubiquitous contemplation of baby size/women's hip ratio, evolution, c-sections, and the fact that while he innocently sleeps, his cells wisely go on about their business of dividing and growing.
It's fun being a biology major.
If that's not enough, when I gave him back, the scent of sleeping baby boy remained on my clothes.
---
Then I got paid, took my whole paycheck and most of my remaining savings and went to the school. I paid for this summer's Organic Chemistry class in cash. I gave her a big wad of money that represented a semester's worth of work and savings, and she gave me $0.50 in change. It was correct, it just made me want to cry.
Then, I spent a couple hundred more in used books. I sincerely hope I get freaking A's. At least it's money that I won't have to pay back later. I'm looking on the bright side, here.
---
I told BossLady's dad that I'd changed my major, and we got started talking about some things I could do. Thinking about anything after graduation makes me queasy, but he was nice enough to tell me that he could let me talk to some of his old friends who're doing various things for REALLY big name companies. Which is nice, because he's nice.
But baby contemplation, plus school starting (and a semester's worth of organic chemistry and lab crammed into one month), plus career path contemplation, and lack of health insurance for me and my brother weighing on my mind, and several cups of diesel, and a tapped out bank account and what looks to be a particularly tight summer money-wise, plus a while pile of bill paying at work and fighting with the stupid pay-by-phone services on some of these things, plus the fact that I have to stop writing (and that hurts) and start studying...
It makes for a stressy day, full of BigStuff contemplation.
And it's almost over. :)
current mood:  hungry
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Friday, May 11th, 2007
| |
8:18 am - Lily of the Valley
|
So my aunt very nicely brought us some plants from her garden to put in ours - along with a bunch of confused earthworms. :)
We finally got to planting some of it yesterday. I'd just finished planting the hosta, and it was getting dark, and in among the things that we weren't able to finish planting was some Lily of the Valley (which, I should note, is not blooming atm.)
Mom: We can't plant that near the animals. Or any kids. All parts of it are poisonous.
Brother, exasperated: But how is anyone supposed to know that? It looks just the same as all the other plants in the yard.
Me: *shows him leaf* See the difference between this leaf and those hostas? This one's longer and smoother and darker, and those bunch out and flip over at the end.
*3.759 seconds later*
Me, confused: Um, mom? My hand's tingling.
Her: Go wash it with cold water and lots of soap.
It was the damnedest feeling: the surface of the skin on the palm side of my fingers was numb, but on the inside, closer to the bone, was tingly. I go to wash it off, and it spreads to the fingers of my other hand.
It lasted at least an hour, so all through Grey's Anatomy last night, I had tingly fingers. It's gone now, of course, but through getting ready for work this morning, if I touched something sometimes that tingle will shoot through one of my fingertips.
Which is weird, but cool. ;)
Lily of the Valley:
Hosta:
http://www.sparkmansnursery.com/escape.html
current mood: hungry
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
| |
9:36 pm - The ninja CIA cows are replicating.
|
No, seriously.
And those cows that you never see? No Such Cows.
Uh-huh.
On the way home, I said, "Oh, look. A calf."
Mom: "Awwww. How cute."
Me: "Don't let it fool you. He's their lookout."
They disappear to their secret cow bunkers and scheme secret cow ways to take over the world. Global warming? Cows. Terrorists? Cows. If you see a cow wearing sunglasses and an earbud, you'd better just keep going.
current mood:  wary
|
|
(5 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
| |
4:25 pm - From my molecular biology textbook...
|
"But very early in the history of life, a much more efficient method for generating energy and synthesizing ATP appeared. This process is based on the transport of electrons along membranes. Billions of years later, it is so central to the survival of life on Earth that we devote this entire chapter to it."
That struck me as funny, y'all ;)
In case you care: pg. 453, Essential Cell Biology, 2nd Ed., Alberts, et al.
current mood: amused
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Wednesday, April 11th, 2007
| |
12:43 pm - Math!
|
|
| Thursday, April 5th, 2007
| |
8:07 am - That's the most beautiful thing I ever saw.
|
Take a biscuit. Add a slice of tomato.
Bacon is optional.
In fact, get two, and a large glass of iced tea.
Enjoy. I sure am. :)
current mood: happy
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Sunday, March 18th, 2007
| |
3:34 pm - Grades
|
Okay, I'm annoyed. I studied my behind off for this class. I've got a high B so far. Which sucks, because I want an A.
On my transcript, it'll say "B." It won't say that the class average is an F. It'll just say that I didn't get an A.
That's annoying.
current mood:  annoyed
|
|
(1 whisper | share your thoughts)
|
| Friday, February 2nd, 2007
| |
3:10 pm - Drive-by poem.
|
Song for a Fifth Child
Mother, oh Mother, come shake out your cloth
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing and butter the bread,
Sew on a button and make up a bed.
Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.
Oh, I’ve grown shiftless as Little Boy Blue
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, Lullaby loo).
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek-peek-a-boo).
The shopping is not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there is a hullabaloo.
But I’m playing “Kanga” and this is my “Roo.”
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
(lullaby, rock-a-bye, lullaby loo).
The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,
For children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs. Dust go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.
Ruth Hulburt Hamilton, 1958
current mood: awww
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Wednesday, January 17th, 2007
| |
12:04 pm - Quarantined.
|
I've been quarantined to my office for lunch.
I'm not complaining - one of my coworkers is pregnant, and the other allergic to almost any antibiotic that comes within ten feet of her (and diabetic, too) so neither can afford to get sick.
I'm bundled up like the stay-puft marshmallow man, and missed my first class today. Not good.
Take-out from Chili's? That's good.
My brother and I saw Children of Men and Primeval on Friday, then the four of us spent the weekend south of Nashville visiting family that we hardly ever get to see. It was nice.
My coworkers keep stopping outside my office door to push food in with a big stick, afraid to get too close.
Must be nice to be a dragon.
Also, croutons = love.
Unfortunately, I'm now facing a not-uncommon predicament. I'm ridiculously bundled up - but now I have to go to the bathroom.
Fun, huh?
current mood:  sore
|
|
(1 whisper | share your thoughts)
|
| |
8:21 am - Sassafrassinfrackalackin'....
|
I can't be sick. I just can't. It's only the second day of school!
I'm not sick.
I'm not sick. Damn it.
-
After consultation with my brother, who dubbed the truck Pepe, I've learned ours is named after the truck in Romancing the Stone, which was named Pepe.
How cool is that?
current mood:  tired
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Monday, January 1st, 2007
| |
5:13 pm - Fireworks & squash
|
So I'm sitting here in the kitchen with my laptop. The window beside me is open, and through it I can hear fireworks for the new year, and kids running around laughing. There's nice fresh air from the light breeze, the kitchen is clean and quiet, and it feels very, very good.
Have y'all ever noticed how comforting a nice, clean kitchen can be? Especially when it's close to bedtime, and the swooshity-woosh of the dishwasher doesn't quite drown out the ticking clock. Just the light above the sink is on, and maybe the one above the stove, and it's just...nice.
Anyway. I have squash! Yes, yes I do. Mom made some for dinner.
"What do you want for Christmas, Jez?"
"Squash."
"No, seriously."
"Squash."
"You're going to be very disappointed if squash is the only thing you get under the tree."
"The only way I'll be disappointed is if it's not a metric ton of squash."
So...mom made squash. Which was very, very nice :) She chops it up and cooks it in a pan with butter and chopped up onions and salt and pepper. Yum :)
current mood:  content
|
|
(4 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Thursday, December 21st, 2006
| |
9:43 am - Got organs?
|
I finally got a second witness to sign my organ donor card today.
I was a little hesitant, because although I already knew I wanted to donate, there's a place to list the tissues and organs you want to give, and I wasn't sure what could be donated, or, for that matter, what I was comfortable donating and what might bother me.
What did they mean by "tissues," specifically? I didn't even know if I said "everything," were they going to cart my body away to The Body Farm or what?
(But no. That's something you have to sign up for specifically. :)
Maybe more importantly than finally getting my organ donor card filled out, I called my mom in and told her about what I wanted. It wasn't a long, involved conversation - just "Hey, mom. I want to be an organ donor."
And the donor card? I wrote, "All organs" and "All tissues."
She said, "Is there anything you don't feel comfortable donating?"
I told her, "Honey, if they want it, tell them they can have it."
And that feels good.
I said a little prayer that the people who eventually end up with them have no complications, and told my body, "Thanks for working so hard for me. Keep up the good work for them."
(Okay, I know that's kind of weird, but it's the truth. :)
Anyway, I encourage everyone to be organ/tissue donors - especially because you can choose for yourself exactly what you feel comfortable giving. Don't care about your pancreas, but the thought of giving your heart squicks you? You can specify - and I think that rocks.
Organdonor.gov
current mood:  accomplished
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
| Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
| |
12:49 pm - Primordial soup: just add water!
|
I woke up this morning to the sound of sirens that stopped outside my window. Propping myself up on an elbow, I moved a cat's head out of the way to peek out. Sure enough, the neighbor's house was on fire. Everyone got out okay, but that's not a good way for them, or anyone, to start the morning. When I left,  tsjafo was making breakfast for them.
Why does it seem like bad stuff happens a lot in the morning?
And when your house isn't clean?
Case in point: My chemistry exam is at 8 a.m.
Now, I ask you, is that reasonable? No. No, it's bloody well not. And to top it off, the cursed thing is cumulative. You know what that means? I'm gonna tell you anyway: it's eight freaking chapters of chemistry that I didn't get so well the first time around, and my review is stalled on the first chapter.
Yeesh.
On a positive note, maybe: when I'm standing in front of a group, and I think that everyone can see me shaking and I have to remind myself not to hold my breath or lock my knees or else I'll pass out in front of everyone - apparently I appear completely calm. Or so my teacher said after class today.
BTW:
This isn't an actual update. If this were an actual update, you'd have been subjected to worries over my family, my compulsive cleaning when anything bad happens, and my inability to stay focused on my chemistry review long enough for it to sink in. Aren't you glad this is not an update?
And now: Coffee.
current mood:  impatient
|
|
(share your thoughts)
|
| Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
| |
11:37 am - Chemistry.
|
Observations of a first year GenChem student who despises math:
1) Chemistry is the equivalent of being MacGyver: You're given a toothpick and a rubber band, and you have to build the Empire State Building.
"Given only the periodic table, make me an apple." And you know, I think they probably could.
(Physics is a lot like that, too, come to think of it.)
2) I feel like I'm doing mathematical acrobatics. Seriously. Sometimes I sprain my brain and need to take a break.
....I miss Susie.
current mood: busy
|
|
(2 whispers | share your thoughts)
|
|
|
|
|
